I used to think of confidence as something you either had or you didn’t but there is a bit more to it than that. I notice it varies in different situations, some people are confident drivers but hate speaking in public, others are confident socially but less confident at work. Here’s the one I hear the most in work situations, something or someone (often a bad boss) comes along and knocks your confidence. It can leave you feeling confused and questioning yourself and can take some recovering from. Here are some things to consider if you find yourself in that place:
1. What has caused the problem? Write it out and work out what changed and how you feel. It can surprise you. Writing or journaling can also help to clear your mind. Is there something specific that you need to address? For example, do you need a conversation with someone or to clear the air?
2. When are you feeling the loss of confidence the most? Is it specific situations or more general. Keep a note of when you notice feeling low on confidence and what triggers it. This is the area to work on.
3. Keep a log of successes, when you feel low on confidence it can feel like nothing you do is good enough. Even little things count as successes and give you little boosts.
4. Remind yourself of your strengths, what are you good at? If this feels hard ask someone you trust to give you some feedback. We often discount our own strengths because they come easily to us and so we end up dismissing them. Other people can spot them more easily and it can really help boost confidence.
5. Watch how you speak to yourself. We all say things “silly me (or words to that effect!) when we drop something or do something daft but are you being harsher than that on yourself? Are you calling yourself stupid or useless and blaming yourself for things? If we do it often enough, we can convince ourselves that these negative beliefs are true and it damages confidence. A small re-frame can stop you from undermining yourself. Talking bad to yourself is a habit, and it can take some breaking but being aware of it is the first step. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.
6. Facing into mistakes, Brene Brown really helped me to understand shame. It isn’t something we talk about much and yet it is something we all feel. The problem with shame is that it feels horrible so our instinct is to avoid it but this means we can’t learn from what’s happened and we start to avoid people or situations instead. This can lead to feeling afraid of things and really damages confidence. Being able to push through this feeling enables the learning to happen and the fear eases off. A real confidence boost.
7. Step outside your comfort zone. If you are feeling low on confidence it might sound counterintuitive to step outside your comfort zone. But ironically it helps grow confidence. . Do something to stretch yourself and you will start to feel braver. Start really small and work your way up to bigger things. When I first posted on LinkedIn I was terrified, but the only way to grow my confidence with posting was to post.
Be gentle with yourself. Everyone takes knocks to their confidence, it is part of life. The important thing is to address it quickly, notice your progress and keep taking small brave steps.
